Let's say there is some sudanese guy. Right now he is in a constant barrage of death and rape and other such un-fun things. Now let's say he is taken out of this dangerous enviroment and placed into middle-class America.

Would he be happy with his new status in the universe or would he want to improve his status?

I'm positive this guy would be very appreciative early on in his new middle-class life. I'm positive he would remain appreciative throughout his life. But of course he'd want to improve his status. He'd want to go out with hotter girls; he'd want to make as much money as possible; he'd want to drive faster and faster cars. This is just the way we are. Human nature I guess.

So this little thought-experiment is my justification to my disatisfaction with life. I am very appreciative of what I have and what I'm in position to accomplish. But I am very aware that I could make it so much better. I have no problem with what status I was born with; nor do I mind the manner in which I was raised. I do have a problem with a lot of the decisions I have made, and, more importantly, the decisions I am in the process of making.

A small part of me realizes that I will accomplish good things and lead a productive life, and perhaps I will live a happy life. But what I do doubt is that I'm maximizing what life can provide. I constantly reconsider my decision to leave Iowa and move back home. Most of the time I regret the decision. But that doesn't really matter since I can't take it back; the genie is sorta outa the bottle. So what I need to do is stop regretting my decisions. I definitely regret staying out of work so long, so I've already amended that mistake as much as I can. My life is basically minimizing regrets. I know that I'm stuck and floundering in this really shitty point in my life, but there's not much I can do about that now except surf. So I just have to keep minimize mistakes. I'm glad no one reads this anymore.