Can someone please slap me???

My behavior and thought process is getting more ridiculous by the day. Despite how much I talk down myself/my life I'm really quite busy. I have TONS of work to do for school, because I basically have a test every single day. I also need a job very badly. AND I NEED TO APPLY TO SCHOOLS. Otherwise this whole experiment with moving back from Iowa was all for nought.... But am I confronting any of these very important, very real, very fixable issues??? NO

I am constantly weighing the pros and cons of my various possibilities for careers. Law v. Business v. Journalism v. Something that I haven't considered yet. I constantly research this crap eventhough what I decide today has no effect on anything. Even worse than this is the constant thought of 'booohooo i dont have a gf, no one likes me, why dont people appreciate me, waawaa!!!!' This, of course, is the last thing I should be thinking about. I NEED TO STOP!

Again I ask, can someone please slap me into shape???