Blogger has really sucked lately. I've lost two posts within the past few days. Don't worry. It wasn't anything new, just a lot of the 'oh poor me, feel sorry for me, tell me i'm great, man life sucks, im great, why doesnt the world like me' sorta thing. So it's better that those posts were lost.

Well my application is done. The essays aren't nearly as good as I would of liked, but there are decent enough. (Sadaf's are really good). Anyways, I was shaking as I submitted it. I don't shake. I'm not that sorta person (I'm the sorta person who falls into Heminingway brevity). So feeling really nervous was a fun sensation. I hope it happens again soon.

This is an algamation of nonsense, but I will continue anyway. I guess I got myself too worked up about this whole 'application' thing. I mean 'my future,' who the fuck cares? If i don't get in anywhere it will definitely be my fault and I'll just have to face a different future than I had imagined. At the very worst I'll just have to enlist. That wouldn't be so bad. But that's unlikely; I figure there is a 2 percent probability of that happening. But the math on that stat is very speculative. I really want to know now. Correction: I REALLY WANT TO KNOW RIGHT FUCKING NOW!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I'm not a fan of myself when I'm like this. My laid-back, hang loose, so cal surfer, barefoot cowboy attitude is really getting tarnished by my anxiety about 'getting in'. It's not fun to be this 'verklempt' (that's yiddish bitch). I don't know how all you uptight kids can handle all this nonsense. It's making me lose weight at a dangerous pace. And I have 6 months to think about all the possibilities. 6 months is a long damn time. That's like 1/40th of my existence. 182 days, 4368 hours, 262080 minutes, 15724800 seconds. That is a long time.