I had thought my site was just slightly more self-indulgent than other similar blogs, but I realized that it's soooooo much more self-indulgent than any other blog I have read. I guess I'm just really caught up in myself. oh well. I also think I internalize all my emotions, and this is my only non-physical means of exercising that pent-up emotion. (Note: think about the number of times I have displayed noticable emotion around you. not that many, huh?)

So I have two problems so far: 1) thinking about not having a date; 2) being totally self-indulgent/egocentric/whatever. The first one I really think I can overcome. I mean my problem really isn't not having a gf. It's worrying about not having a gf. Sooooo, I stop worrying about it. How does one go about that??? Well I need something better to worry about. I guess I could worry about grades/thefuture/applications/job/death. However I have choosen something much better...surfing. This winter is going to bring very big waves here given the strange hurricane season. Big waves will make me a much better and stronger surfer. Also, big waves can sometimes scare the crap out of you. And there's no way I'll be worrying about girls if I could die with the next wave.

#2) is a lot stickier. My problem is that I need acceptance (maybe even praise) from most people I meet. MY GOD I'm like a dog. Anyway, to get past this I need to accept that most people 'dont care who other people are'. I haven't quite figured out how I'm going to reach that. I'm guessing it will involve becoming more comfortable with myself and my life. I just need some time to reach that comfort level.

This post was probably very annoying to everyone. I'm sorry. But writing everything out really helped me process some things. so yeah