This is a wasteland now.

I must stop procrastinating. I have 2 papers and a midterm next week, but right now I'm figuring out a way to listen to this damn thing without realplayer (my enemy). But on the bright side I have found new, magical ways of wasting my time. New music players, cool webcasts, new media websites, and, of course, soulseek, have filled the last month. It's too bad too because this quarter's subject matter is interesting. And I'm pretty sure, if I tried, I could learn a lot and fill in a lot of the gaps in my knowledge.

damn technology. I wonder how I would have procrastinated if I had lived 50,100,1000 years ago. Maybe I would have been healthy.

I wish i could type the infamous bird whistle. Since I can't just imagine that I have.

Anyone else strongly attracted to the thought of vanishing? One day my mom just left the world she knew. Granted she would probably say it hasn't worked out too well, but that's just how that goes. I don't know.

There's nothing life with the life I've got going right now, it's just not all that there is. That right there, that whole 'there's something more' concept, is what's driving my desire to vanish. I'm sure I could live a happy life just following my current path, but I have to know what else is out there. In some ways I have to know everything that's out there. Maybe everything is an exaggeration, but that's what this is all about (this whole damn post is an exaggeration).

I've got to try a few separate 'lives' before I can justify picking one specific path, if I can ever justify that. Just simply following my current course because that seems like the prudent thing to do is not acceptable--it's not in me. I've got this damn vagabond thing going on that's pushing me out of my comfort zone. I don't really know how all this is going to work itself out. I really don't see a way to maintain the great aspects of my current life while trying to explore other options. I guess that's just something I'll deal with later. I've got to see what's on the other side of the horizon. I've got to do more than just see it, I have to experience it. I have to bathe in the beauty and horror of the unknown until my body shrivels up from over exposure. It's not a choice at this point (nothing is, but that's another story).

So how will all this unfold? How do I negotiate my comfortable past with my unknown, uncomfortable futures? What is the first step in shedding the comfortable to take on what must come next? This is a lot of big talk 2 to 1 I'll be a teacher in 5 years and in 40 years.


I still have to know what's past the horizon...DAMN!

"The ultimate weakness of violence is that it is a descending spiral, begetting the very thing it seeks to destroy. Instead of diminishing evil, it multiplies it. Through violence you may murder the liar, but you cannot murder the lie, nor establish the truth. Through violence you murder the hater, but you do not murder hate. In fact, violence merely increases hate.... Returning violence for violence multiples violence, adding deeper darkness to a night already devoid of stars. Darkness cannot drive out darkness; only light can do that. Hate cannot drive out hate; only love can do that." - Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr.

If that doesn't mess with your head there's something wrong with your head. I know nothing, but I think tonight is already devoid of stars.