We need a Permanent Revolution.

the PERMANENT REVOLUTION is coming!

There is this Saturn commercial in which some woman makes a connection between 'her man' and her Saturn (saturn being a subset of GM auto, duh). So I guess this guy is a 'steady as he goes' sorta fellow, probably always there when you need OR want him. Just a general good guy, what I have come to call a boy scout (I refer you to Jack Ryan). And I guess she enjoys this reliability, not merely in her car but in 'her man' as well.

As soon as I saw this I realized that I am most definitely a Saturn. I, contrary to the fictional Saturn spokesperson, do not think being a saturn man is a good thing. It is the worst possible label I could get (I realize I labelled myself, but I think we can agree to it's valid). It's so fucking vanilla. Yeah I'm there when you need, which is nice. But I'm also there when you want me---> no excitement, no intrigue. I'm probably there when you don't want me there too, which, I know, is really annoying. That's only because I'm a saturn. I can't distinguish between your needs, wants and dislikes. To be reliable I can't do anything else.

Of course, no real woman, or at least none my age, want a fucking saturn. Why would she? They're dull, and redundant, and exhaustively reliable, and SLOW! Woman only say they want them...most don't even continue this lie anymore...

To resolve my saturn-ness I'm going to avoid be reliable in the future. Don't get me wrong; I will always be there when someone needs me. But as far as someone wanting me, I'll try not to be there. I don't think this will reduce my saturn qualities. But it will make me less annoying, and I think everyone will appreciate that. And I think this may give me a little more intrigue, a little more mystery, and that will definitely shake things up a bit.

If nothing else it will be a fun adventure to try being more elusive. You can thank me later for being less annoying. (you're welcome)

As you may or may not know I have a severe case of self-loathing. In addition to that I often suffer what some may call irritable male syndrome, others may call it depression or anxiety, I call it being pissed. My meta-awareness, particularly in regards to my faults, is so powerful that is one of my most dominant qualities. So yeah, I have issues, not necessarily more so than anyone else, but they are most definitely there.

These issues (heretofore known as troubles with God) have been compounded by the application process. It forces me to confront all of my shortcomings. I suppose it highlights my successes too, but my successes seem so trivial. Yeah, I know, right now you're thinking my failures are trivial too. Of course they are. But I'm quasi-insane (reference the aforementioned troubles with God).

So what is the point of the Magical Mystery Tour of my application-soaked psyche? It hurts. Doing applications hurts me a lot. It's like going to the dentist for my soul. I know its a necessary evil but it hurts so badly. And the actual pain associated with it is minimal. The anticipation of the actual act, the decision, is what hurts so badly.

This melodramatic musing was brought to you by the UCs for having such stupid essay questions and women everywhere for putting me on the friends ladder.

I can rant about how fucked up the modern protest movement is because I am a protestant. Though it really doesn't matter. Any person of any creed is justified in criticizing the protestant movement, any religion really, but particularly the protestants.

How can the protestants justify their vote for the republicans with issues like strong national defense and family responsiblity? I can come up with no sufficient answer, and I've wasted the last 5 days trying to come up with one.

I think we can safely define 'strong national defense' and 'family responsibility' as BIG FUCKING EUPHONISMs. Strong national defense equates to a very agressive and often unilatteral approach to foreign policy. Diplomacy is not a part of 'strong' national defense. Third party countries are ignored unless they are directly involved in our pursuit of righteousness. (Note: I realize North Korea is an exception to this, but it is not because S.Korea, China, Japan, Russia are apart of the discussion with N.Korea.) 'Strong' national defense means, to repubs, preemption where ever Bush decides is necessary. This type of defense means no, or little, intervention. This means that Iraq will get bombed back to Hammurabi but the Sudanese chrisitians will continue to die...Family responsibility means no welfare for just about anyone. It means social darwinism. The poor are the poor; the rich are the rich. That is so because God made it so. The government is under no obligation to cure social ills according to protestant thinking. Protestant thinking has someone completely turned around the teachings of Christ to their greedy and aggressive view of governing.

READ THE FUCKING NEW TESTAMENT YOU EVIL, HYPOCRITICAL BIBLE THUMPERS>>> GOD DID NOT ORDAIN YOU AS THE ULTIMATE ARBITERS>>> WHO WERE GOD'S PEOPLE??? the poor, the meek, the understated: the people who put others' interests ahead of their own>>>NEWSFLASH: THE ZEALOUS, THE PROUD, THE GREEDY ARE NOT CHRIST'S PEOPLE

Stop calling yourselves christians.

If we listened to our intellect, we'd never have a love affair. We'd never have a friendship. We'd never go into business, because we'd be cynical. Well, that's nonsense. You've got to jump off cliffs all the time and build your wings on the way down.
--Ray Bradbury

Good stuff. Really good stuff.

Yeah, quotations on blogs can be idiotic, especially if it gets out of hand. But I no longer avoid my idiocy; I embrace it. This self-exposure of idiocy is the most liberating experience, second, perhaps, to surfing.