I was combing through the bios of the history professors for possible thesis advisors. Nothing spectacular except that this one guy lists his professional associations as the AHA and the American Pessimist Society.

I am not suited for frat parties or parties cut from that same mold. You have to able to approach people and not care if they turn you down. Either girls or guys. You need to be able to soak up awkwardness. I just can't imagine walking up to a girl and a)expecting her to just want to dance with me; b)be ok with her running away from me. How could I be? It's a reckless decision. It's acting for the sake of acting. There is no deliberation involved. I can't work that way, and I don't think there is anythin I can do about it. Not that I would really want to. What is it that I'm losing.

I'm losing the chance at some cheap anonymous sex. That is definitely some good stuff, but it's usually only good for seconds at a time and I don't think those few seconds justify infinite hours of awkwardness. I suppose I could meet some interesting people in this socialize first, analyze never method. But I just don't think it would happen. Ultimately I'm not a party guy. A drink with some friends is definitely great. Maybe, every now and then, pushing your social bounds at an apartment party is fine. But I will never be comfortable at a frat party. Who cares?

It'd be cool to have a girlfriend though. I'd like to have some romantic silence.

I'm shifting the weight of my backpack so it's more evenly placed on my back when I see her. She's beautiful. Seconds pass as I absorb the sight of her and relish in the simple fact that she exists. But my transfixion fades as her path shifts. She's no longer walking by me. She's walking towards me. Her mouth, beautiful mouth, appears to open.

"Hey is this Rolfe" as she points to the building next to me. But she's not just pointing at the building next to me. She's talking to me.

Dammit. What did she ask? Something about a wolf. Where was she pointing? At Royce? Must of been. "No. This is Royce?"

"Oh."

Damn man. Say something. Tell her where Rolfe is.

"Well then where's Rolfe?"

Thank God she asked. "It's just one more down. Just keep going."

I could have done so much better than that. Why couldn't she have been in my french class.

History is fantastic, particularly history via primary sources. A truth of some sort is sitting in plain text waiting to be read, but when one reads it an infinite number of questions pop up. Namely: is this crap? Probably. There's all this truth to found. There are definitely a lot more lies than there are truths, but what the fuck? It's all interesting. I mean, why were they lying? What posessed this jackass in LXIV's court to lie? It was probably a woman.

I'm funny--funny looking.

Team A beats Team B. Team B beats Team C. Team A is not necessarily going to beat Team C. Each event is independent from the other. It is certainly possible that Team A is superior than Team C, but the inverse is also possible. Superiorty in a single event has no necessary correlation to superiority in another event.

None of that matters though because I can't get over it. It's inside my head and it's not leaving.
There are a few solutions to this, but only one is really going to work.

Who the fuck is this bitch?

I'm going to spend about $175 just on my laundry this year. Damn.

I am tired. Why?